iScream for my iPhone.

About a month ago I became aware of a deal online at Telus where you can get a 'refreshed' iPhone for 30$ with a monthly plan. I immediately thought "30$, what a deal, and if it turns out bad, then I'm only out 30 bucks. What could go wrong?"
Everything apparently.
I hopped online on May 20th and ordered an iPhone, tra la la. They said it would be there within 3-5 business days. I put my work address down as Telus' instructions said they would not deliver to rural addresses. Okay then. I then continued to play email and phone tag for a week with the web orders on line store and helpline. I played along in the beginning but by the start of the 2nd week of still not receiving my phone I started to get a little peeved. I'd checked my bank statement and had indeed been charged for it so it should have been here by now. A lot of my calls to Telus went a little like this:
"Hi, and welcome to Telus. Press 1 for English, 2 for French.
I press 1.
"Hi, and welcome to Telus. Press 1 for English, 2 for French.
um, what? Press one again, a little firmer, just in case.
"Hi and welcome to Telus. Please press 1 for English 2 for...
I hung up. Swore. Took a deep breathe. Tried again. I don't know what I did right this time but after pressing 1,a 4, a 3 and 5, I got to a robotic voice asking me to enter my 10 digit phone number.
Well, I don't have my phone yet. So I don't have a number do I??? I waited calmly while the robot asked me three more times for my non existent phone number, and explained to me why I had to enter it so that they could better assist me. Soon enough I was put on hold to an agent. I went through my story, telling her I ordered a phone, hadn't gotten it yet, wonder where it is. Okay, she puts me on hold for a minute, asks me a couple of questions, then says she's going to transfer me to another agent. I asked her why, but never got a straight answer. Plus I have to start all over again with my story! What does she do? She puts me on hold, except she accidentally hangs up on me. My lunch hour now over I'm steaming mad. I give up for the day, sent a few more emails that went unanswered.
Called again a few days later on my break. I'm tired of explaining my story at this point so when I get an agent I just blurt out my account number I know off by heart now and let them read the story of my iPhone life, which apparently has been sent out and sent back again. Well good for it. Hope it took some pictures along the way! I get transferred, put on hold, etc. I'm using my 'angry voice' and scaring Helen who works in the office as well. My cheeks are flushed. I'm on hold for a good 20 minutes.
Buddy from Telus: I'm so sorry ma'am, but we have to get you to phone 18664882709 to deal with web orders. They should help you.
Me: Well, that's the exact number I called to get to you right now.
Buddy: What? Really. That's weird. I don't know how that happened.

 Buddy wants to transfer me to a sales person but I have to go back to work. I arrange for them to call me at home at 6pm when I have time.
I get home, wait patiently till 6pm. No call. I wait rather less patiently till 7pm. I get online and file a complaint with the head honcho communications people and tell them Telus has some serious issues. Press send. Phone rings, it's Telus, I think, well there's some instant response, that's what I'm talking about.
Except it's a man from Telus who is trying to get me to switch from Shaw Phones to Telus. Ironically that's exactly what I'm trying to do too sir!!! Thanks for helping guy in India!!! Except he has nothing to do with my iPhone so I hang up on him.
The next day I call again, on my break again.
Me: dialing 1-8664882709. Hi and welcome to Telus..." GRRRRRR.
Guy: Hi how can I help you?
Me: Can I give you my account number cause I'm tired of talking. I'll give you a minute to read my file.
Guy: Ya...there's some notes here. Please hold.
Me: You don't say... (footloose song plays)
10 minutes later.
Guy: Ya, so what I'm going to have you do is dial a different # for your web order.
Me: uh huh, and what number would that be do you think?
Guy: 18664882709
Me: well guy, that's the number I called to get to you right now. (Standing. face turning purple. grey hairs growing by the second)
Guy: whoa. That's not right
Me: Exact (swearing) conversation I had with you guys yesterday.

This guy was actually helpful to a point and in the end they wanted to make sure I was who I said I was and they didn't like that I had a different shipping address than my billing address. At one point I got so mad I snorted, and that's saying something. Long story short another appointment to call from my house land line so I could be who I said I was..?
At this point I really didn't want the god damned phone anymore, and my shiny dream of being part of the iPhone club and comparing apps was diminishing rapidly and I was about to murder the next person I saw, and the blood would be on Telus's hands.
So I got home on Friday, called up my dear friends at Telus, pressed one for 'I hate you so much Telus' in English and listened to 'Footloose' for the umpteenth time until I got a lady. She believed that it was me, and I was calling, and that the world was round and that I wasn't the person on the grassy knoll and that I didn't know what happened at the end of Sopranos. She said, yes, that's all good and asked me to hang up so she could call me at home. I silently nodded in defeat, questioned my existence and whether or not I actually was speaking English and hung up. Not 30 seconds later Telus called back again. A man who clearly did NOT speak English was on the other end, he was most likely at a call center in India in fact and was asking me about switching to Telus from Shaw. I could not believe it. The timing was too crazy. I was so astounded I didn't even let the guy get his allotted minute in so he could get paid.
Him: " ...and we would like to offer you a one time low-"
Me: I'm sorry, but does this call have anything to do with an iPhone?
Him: excuse me?
Me: an iPhone? On any level, will you be sending me an iPhone?
Him: uh, (rustles paper, checks his notes) uh, no.
click.
Two seconds later my lady calls me back, says I am who I say I am and says it will be delivered in 3-5 business days. Oh how I have heard that before.
So on Tuesday June 15th at around 10am the Purolator guy dropped my phone off at work and instead of an excited plonk it landed on my desk with a dull thud. I opened the box and inside it was a smudged phone, unwrapped in a box labelled "previously enjoyed iPhone." It was not shiny, it was not wrapped in an Apple box, it did not make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
It was disappointing but in the end I was excited about the new toy, and glad I had stuck through it to the end. My life motto is fight to the death or quit and die-never give up. Stick to your guns and hold your ground. Dad once said to me "some might call you obsessive, I'll just call you tenacious." I like it.
So the squeaky wheel gets the iPhone or however that saying goes and I'm currently waiting for my phone to make me dinner and change my cats litter. I'm sure there is an app for that.