They need to stop what they are doing and die. The end.
It's my express opinion that spiders should be no bigger than that little square on your home button on your iPhone. They are too unpredictable, have too many legs, and the bigger they get the hairier they are and they seem really smart and build better webs than I do. And really quickly too, because I've knocked down this one spider's web just outside my front door every day for the past month and that little bitch is back up again the very next day with a different and more impressive web.
Side note: All spiders are shes, just as all boats are shes and all frogs are hes (not sure about that last one but the other two are totally true.)
It seems like this year there are more spiders than ever. And more and more people are posting how to/fix it ideas on how to get rid of spiders. There's that remedy I read about that says something about mixing pepper and vinegar and spraying it along your window sill. But, having more than a bit of ADD, all that made me want was a spicy Caesar and some fish and chips. So I called up my sisters to meet me at the pub- because everyone has got a spider story, and it's less sucky to know you're not suffering alone. Plus, Caesars are delicious.
There's the horse chestnut theory: that there is a smell or something from the chestnut that deters the beasts so people collect them and put them in spots where they generally see spiders, and again, generally, people have had success and lived spider free lives. Or so far as they know- there's that other theory that everyone swallows a certain amount of spiders in their sleep or whatever, and that other thing that claims we are no more than 3 feet from a spider at any given time.
Sleep tight.
