When I grow up...

When you were little, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up? I knew what I wanted to be - a cat. This was seriously my answer when I was little. I was riding the Green Chair lift on Whistler Mountain, a man sitting beside me was trying to be charming and talk to the shy little girl beside him and he asked me "so what do you want to be when you grow up?" and I replied confidently with "A cat!" which was obviously a viable option to me cause I was five. And the man, THE MAN, had the audacity to say to me "oh that's silly, you can't be a cat."

It took everything in me not to throw that man off the chair. 

It was then I decided I didn't particularly want to talk to this man anymore, or any other adults really, because if they were going to tell me what I couldn't be then I didn't really want any part of them. So I thwarted his efforts to speak to me for the rest of the ride. 

I wasn't raised in a particularly structured household, so there wasn't any 'this is this, and that is that' and we were sort of given free reign over what we were doing with ourselves. As long as we weren't shooting heroin into our eyeballs, I think my parents were happy and let us be. 

So now I'm 31-ish and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up and pretty much everyone I know is married with children, a career, a mortgage. Am I jealous of them? I don't know. It's hard to say. Are they jealous of me? With all the free time and no stress, nary a poopy diaper or house payment to deal with? I don't know. Wait, did I mention I get naps? They are definitely jealous.

I have some friends who have known since they were little exactly how their life plan would pan out. A boyfriend who would become a husband who would become a father to two kids aged 2 yrs apart, a house, car, job etc etc. All before they are 30.  And, while I'm impressed by that... let's call it tenacity, I can't help but wonder if they've missed out on any opportunities that they ignored because it wasn't on the list and it could have been seen as a possible derailment. Where's the sense of whimsy, of wonder? But wait, who am I to poo poo (teehee) on people's dreams?  

Am I living in the moment? Yes. Am I thinking about my future? Yes. Am I taking any steps toward this? Slowly. At my own pace. Which is slow like a turtle cause I am remarkably unmotivated at times. Some might call this Peter Pan syndrome - running around all day every day, no worries or concerns, having a laugh, and in the risk of sounding like Oprah, just being. Which is OK too. 

I can't possibly know what I'm doing tomorrow, let alone a year from now, or a lifetime from now. I also find the word 'duties' hilarious and will talk about bodily functions all the live long day with anyone who will listen, mostly because I'm pretty sure my inner child is a 12 yr old boy and also because it's disgusting and fascinating at the same time and anything that is both those things will have my undivided attention, until a new [insert adorable animal here] video gets posted to YouTube and then I will share that with you as well. 

So even if I find out what I want to be, I guess I'll never truly grow up. 

And I guess I hope I never do.