Disclaimer!! I say all of this with love and compassion for my parents...I take nothing away from what they taught me and this isn't meant to be cruel or mean spirited. It's just the truth. Which sometimes can be cruel and mean spirited.
1. Feeling flu-ish? Mom: Drink rum. Hot Toddy's mainly.
2. Spicy food? Dad: Drink beer.
3. Always clean up after yourself. Dad: This pertains to grooming snow mostly. Never leave a mess behind, you've got to leave it smooth, like you were never there. Now when he cooked, this was a different scenario. The man leaves a messy kitchen like I've never seen. You've got 12 more bran granola flax muffins left on the counter when he's through.
4. Dad: Know where the fuse box is and how one 'works'
Side note: The thing about fuse boxes is that you could take ten thousand panels and line em up and they would all look exactly the same- half assed labelling, chicken scratch writing, abbreviations, old labels scribbled out and written over (toaster got replaced for the cappuccino machine, and what used to be the switch for the microwave is now the "brand new power tool extravaganza shed").
5. Safety first. Dad: if you are driving/walking through a construction site or walking by someone working an excavator/tractor/or any other heavy machinery, always make eye contact with the person before blindly strolling/driving through so that you know it's safe to cross and the operator knows someone is there.
6. Dad: Never sign a contract without reading it thoroughly.
7.Dad: Know how to use a CB radio and how to use a chainsaw.
8. Mom: Television shows go on hiatus before the months of November and May, in order to draw in more viewers during those select months and thereby winning the ratings war. Until then, it's repeats folks.
9. If your feet are cold put a hat on. Never ever ever were we allowed to turn up the heat. The wood stove did it's best woodstoving most of the time, but you'd normally find us fighting for the little ledge RIGHT beside the fireplace. Quite often we'd have burn marks on our pants. Luckily we had 16 layers on.
10. Visitation rights: Coming over to visit? Chat? Great- bring a load of wood in for the fireplace as you enter.
11. Mom : never date someone who is prettier than you are.
12. Mom: don't point at people. It's rude.
13. Laughter is the best medicine: Both Mom and Dad- Find yourself hilarious. Tell a bad joke to break the ice, and then chuckle at your own unique cleverness. Think to yourself "My gosh, I really am funny aren't I? I bet they've never encountered someone like me before" And they probably haven't met someone like you. But that's why it's such an awesome lesson. Quite often ( and if you've read any of the previous posts you'll know this)I've tripped in public or gotten tangled in my headphone wires at the gym while on the treadmill, and instead of getting flustered or embarrassed I make a joke of it. It's not that big a deal. I often wish I had a camera following me around for moments where I've walked into a pole (it's happened) or miscalculated a step or two (yup, been there) because I imagine it looks hilarious. And it's way better on you and your ego to think you are awesome than to get bogged down in meaningless mistakes or embarrassments from every day life. Just roll with the punches. And maybe find some better jokes.
14. Love your parents (something I've taught myself) They may drive you crazy. You may have to be the adult most of the time. You probably have a ton of traits that remind you of them and you might resent them for it. Don't. Embrace it, accept it, love the fact that you are so much like them and remember how funny they are, even in the moments that make you crazy, because it will help you get through it most likely. Exhibit A: my mother and any VCR.
Okay, I'm about done here. These obviously aren't the only lessons. And if they are then I am in more trouble than I thought.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
A whistle while you walk
Ever been wolf whistled? What's your reaction?
There are a few options. Some risky.
If you hear the whistle and look, and it's not actually meant for you, then you look conceited and feel kind of embarrassed. If you hear the whistle and don't look at all it could mean one of three things 1) Heard it but don't bother looking. 2) you heard but don't look in case it isn't for you, hereby saving face 3) wait, what wolf whistle? I fall under #2 a lot, but mostly it's # 3. This is due to the fact that while I walk I am literally miles away. I walk a lot and don't often hear people calling my name the first few times. Okay ten times. Sometimes they have to chase me down, sometimes they are literally in front of me and I look stunned for a minute while my mind races back to the present space and time and I can say "oh hi!"
Generally as I walk I'm thinking about other things. I think about the time my sisters did that thing that one time that was so hilarious, or the guy 16 cars ago who gave me a funny look as he drove by and 'gee I wonder why he did that, there must be something on my face' or how the bottom of my foot is so freaking itchy and I can't wait to get home to deal with it. Or that scene in Lost which didn't make any sense and why that show doesn't make any sense and 'gee I wonder why I still watch it at all'
If you see me on the street, and I don't immediately recognize you or jump up and down with enthusiasm for a minute just bear with me. I'm a little slow. I zone out while I walk and quite confidently walk across sections of traffic without paying attention, and make it to my front door without remembering a single moment of my trek home from work. Just keep yelling my name or sending smoke signals and eventually I will respond.
Oh ya. If you are on the receiving end of a wolf whistle and you look and it is indeed meant for you, then that is just fantastic. You and your wolf can whistle off into the sunshine and live happily ever after. Just look both ways before you cross the street.
There are a few options. Some risky.
If you hear the whistle and look, and it's not actually meant for you, then you look conceited and feel kind of embarrassed. If you hear the whistle and don't look at all it could mean one of three things 1) Heard it but don't bother looking. 2) you heard but don't look in case it isn't for you, hereby saving face 3) wait, what wolf whistle? I fall under #2 a lot, but mostly it's # 3. This is due to the fact that while I walk I am literally miles away. I walk a lot and don't often hear people calling my name the first few times. Okay ten times. Sometimes they have to chase me down, sometimes they are literally in front of me and I look stunned for a minute while my mind races back to the present space and time and I can say "oh hi!"
Generally as I walk I'm thinking about other things. I think about the time my sisters did that thing that one time that was so hilarious, or the guy 16 cars ago who gave me a funny look as he drove by and 'gee I wonder why he did that, there must be something on my face' or how the bottom of my foot is so freaking itchy and I can't wait to get home to deal with it. Or that scene in Lost which didn't make any sense and why that show doesn't make any sense and 'gee I wonder why I still watch it at all'
If you see me on the street, and I don't immediately recognize you or jump up and down with enthusiasm for a minute just bear with me. I'm a little slow. I zone out while I walk and quite confidently walk across sections of traffic without paying attention, and make it to my front door without remembering a single moment of my trek home from work. Just keep yelling my name or sending smoke signals and eventually I will respond.
Oh ya. If you are on the receiving end of a wolf whistle and you look and it is indeed meant for you, then that is just fantastic. You and your wolf can whistle off into the sunshine and live happily ever after. Just look both ways before you cross the street.
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